All posts by Sandy Brown Jensen

Witness

Witness

The painter, Renee, caught the Jaguar Shaman by surprise and in a private jungle moment. Quiet and intense, she had been working out the details of a composition involving butterflies, blue, and orchids of a speaking pink. She had been startled when her increasingly detailed vision added a hidden snake, green, then another, blue.

Then the eyes appeared and the hair on her sunburned arms flushed all goosebumps, for the cat’s eyes had clearly seen her long before she picked his jaguar shape out of the wilderness mass. Then with another jolt, the shaman herself resolved as a figure out of the ground. Her brown face was tattooed with gold cat stripes, her eyes and lips pale as an albino’s, yet vivid with soul life. She had not seen Renee, for she was hunting spirits in another world.

Renee captured the introspective face of the working shaman and her animal familiar even as they faded like green mist back into the jungle. The cat had seen her; the shaman had not. Her hands shook as she put her painting kit away and found her way back to the thin thread of a jungle pathway.

The artist continued walking until she came to a swirling green river with a mind of its own. Many people were gathered on the shore crying. Men were building a small byre, and as she approached, they lit a fire under it. The flames ate at the small figure of a child in angry orange gulps. A woman with a scarlet shawl thrown over her head knelt on the ground and keened.
A teenaged boy left the group of mourners as the smell of roasting flesh rose into the air. He politely greeted the strange woman and offered ferry service over the river. “But you must wait with us an hour,” he said, “For a jaguar has taken the life of my cousin.”

Renee sat under the shade of an enormous, twisting fig tree and unpacked her painting kit, which the boy studied with great interest. She opened her sketch book, and the boy yelled when he saw the Jaguar Shaman. He snatched the book out of her hands, held the image high and ran toward his relations, who in turn stared and shouted. One older man stuck his hand into the fire and bloodied his fingers on the child’s burning body. While the teenager held still, extending the sketchbook, the old man crouched down and like a cat stalked the painting. The young man moved cagily away, and they played predator and prey in an intricate dance in the dust. Then with a feline roar and rising scream, the old shaman put all ten fingers directly on the image of the Jaguar Woman, leaving bloody dots.

Renee jumped up and held both hands to her cheeks, for she felt the man’s red fingers on her own skin. Not far away in the bush, she heard another cry that repeated the man’s scream. A long, low wind sprang up and blew through the forest with a moan that ended in a shower of hot sparks. The byre collapsed with what remained of its tender burden, and the men pushed it with long poles into the river. The mother in the scarlet shawl fell silent and watched the burning brands consumed in the green rush of the river with a mind of its own.

The young man closed the sketch book and returned it with a little bow Renee remembered from another, more courtly world. She was almost afraid to receive it, but she took it from him as he said in her language, “We can cross now.” She clutched the sketchbook to her chest as she climbed into the sturdy dugout.

The young man accepted the two coins she pressed into his hand. He took great care to point out to her which path she must take to get to her destination before dark. Renee faced the jungle alone as the wind breathed its last and the leaves settled into a waiting calm.

Shaman With Jaguar

Wildness, wilderness, jungle. It has been a year since I visited the Mayan jungle of the Yucatan. The wild in myself sets up a resonance in certain landscapes. The jungles of Sian Kan, the Mojave Desert, Death Valley, the Alvord Desert, the Steens Mountains, the Canyonlands, the slot canyons of the Paria. Many savage, magical places that pull at my solar plexus when I stay away too long.

I saw this young Mayan shaman in Tulum, Mexico, joining his friends for a few moments as dusk fell and the band played. Like any teenager, he hung out with his friends. I observed him, his parrot feathers making him beautiful, his bow and arrow making him seem powerful and dangerous to me. I observed him so briefly. He felt my eyes perhaps and he literally disappeared as I tried to keep him in view. Maybe he merged with the crowd or slipped into the night. The way I saw it, he vanished.

I think of him often-here in my suburban home, my cul-de-sac. Yes, I honor wildness in my gardens. It is represented as a house cat could be said to represent a jaguar. But I know there is knowledge and ways of being that I will never touch. There are landscapes more seductive than a lover. And so I draw, I paint. It is my way of extending my hand into the unknown. It is my call – and I wait.

The Girl In The Red Kimono

The Girl In the Red Kimono
Turning 63, and soon.
I realize with conviction
that my banked fire still heats-
but I will not be the same again.
My red kimono is now for the mystery.
The moon is no longer for bleeding
but for seeing.
The white bird whispers in my ear –
I listen.

Coyote with His Rose Petal Eyes

Eyes in the Sand
By Sandy Jensen

When the boys asked her what she was looking for on the black, sand beach, she said she had lost her eyes. She was looking for replacements, she said, a pair of perfect gold agates. It was known these could be found here at sunset when the baby selkies lost them in the surf after a day of play.

“But Grandmother!” the boys cried in praise, “You have beautiful pink rose petals for eyes now! Surely your view of the world must be complete.”

“These are not my eyes,” she said. “One days I was walking along Cascade Head minding my own when I heard Coyote inside a Cedar Tree muttering to himself as he pushed his nuts out a hole Woodpecker had just finished drilling for him. The nuts fell on the ground into a pile of cedar shavings. Next came his long golden tail, each of all four legs, his black nosed snout and then his eyeballs connected by the optic nerve. I wasn’t the only one who saw this, and a bunch of us gathered around shushing each other and trying not to laugh out loud so Coyote wouldn’t know we were there.

Coyote ran around reassembling himself, which was a sight to see. He felt around with his paws for his eyes, but Raven stuck out that thick beak of his and snatched them right out from under his pat, pat, patting paws.

Well, I couldn’t help it. I bust out laughing and Coyote’s ears went up. You know he hates to be looking foolish. So he runs into a wild rose bush and comes out the other side with the most amazing rose petal eyes stitched on with a couple of rose thorns. I admit I coveted those sheer pink satin eyeballs and through them Coyote could see my sudden flush of green envy. After all, my eyes grew at the end of stalks and even though I could see in all directions in every color of forest shadow and sea storm, I didn’t know what I had. But Coyote. He knew.

‘Mrs. Snail,’ he said. You know that honey voice of his. ‘I see you admire my rose petal eyes. Shall we trade?’

All my kind loves a good swap and next thing I knew, I was looking at the world with a soft dawn glow—morning, noon, and night. It was Raven who flew by and told me I could find new eyes on the black beach sand.”

The boys laughed and emptied their pockets. Agates dribbled on the sand like two dozen gold selkie eyes. A sneaker wave came up between their legs and like Coyote, ate them all in one bite like yellow marmalade.


Elsewhere in this blog I have posted illustrations from this story about Coyote. He has had to dismember himself to squeeze his way out of a cedar tree and Raven stole his eyeballs. Coyote replaced his eyes with wild rose petals and when Mrs. Snail asked about them, he said, “These are special eyes. With them I see visions. With them I see spirit rays.”

Of course, she trades him her eyes for the rose petal eyes…who tricked whom, Coyote?

I see also that with this mandala, I have honored my dear friend Dusty, who has passed to the other side of the veil and now I’m sure he sees spirit rays and visions.

Mandala For Water, Air Earth and Fire

This is a cosmic image that says, what is, is. Nature bats last, life goes on. Action and movement is our defense against stagnation and death. The planet keeps moving, and logically, since we are part of the planet, we must as well.


Poem for Dusty

Once again the wheel turns-
13 seasons and the golden dog
returns to the sun –
leaving daffodils and tulips
in his wake.
He parted as he came,
in spring.

Controlled Scream

The Controlled Scream of the Moon
You know–when you feel like screaming but there’s nothing anybody but you can do about the situation?

A Mandala for the Blossoming of Cherry Trees

The plants know that is is spring. I woke to 36 degrees outdoors but the fruit trees are blossoming and the bird have been busy for months. The red breasted sapsucker stakes out his space, attracts a mate and they build thier nest, the business of the season.

Our culture would have us associate sex with the young and the beautiful. I associate sex with the oldest rhythms of life. Even the ancient cherry tree blooms. My friend Linda meditates under the tree’s massive branches. The gentle bees hum and keep her company. Today is her 60th birthday and with the cherry tree, she blooms.

A Mandala For New Beginnings

The way I work, I create one step at a time. I only move to an area when I know what to do. This mandala emerged the evening after an especially rich session with my therapist. When I started I assumed that something would develop for the middle portion. It eventually became apparent that the void was intended for the center. This time of my life is a new beginning as I free myself from old emotions that I no longer need. What is coming next is far from clear, no inkling yet but I am reasonably sure something will show up.

Ghosts at the Night Picnic, Coldwater Creek, Glen Ivy 1981

Ghosts at the Night Picnic, Coldwater Creek, Glen Ivy 1981

March 1, 2009
I am trying to balance my chair on the uneven ground under the big oaks. I can hear Coldwater Creek tumbling down the little falls where I know two bottles of champagne are in a weighted bag at the bottom of the catch pond. The stem of my crystal wine glass is cold between my fingers on this hot summer night in 1981, and the late-harvest Zinfandel is the color of a pirate’s trove of rubies and garnets in the firelight.

Greg Botz’s kind and handsome face is ruddy with heat as he tends the steaks on the fire. He’s dressed in a tuxedo even though we’re a rough mile away from the inn where we all live.

I’m wearing a long peasant dress with a little off-the-shoulder black sweater my Aunt Nan gave me. The table under the trees is covered with a red and white checked cloth and a big bowl of steaming spaghetti and a green salad sparking red tomatoes have just arrived by the hands of three more friends emerging out of the dark.

They have hiked the mile up the glen for this dinner in honor of my 31st birthday: Doc Lynn Scecina is one face that comes into focus out of the shadows. And there is Eric Crocker.

If there are any jealousies flowing between us, I don’t know about them; if there are troubles to come, I don’t know about them. I am at a time and a place in my life that feels balanced on a gimbal of timelessness. The forward motion of our lives halts and some part of me steps back, outside the circle of the fire and looks in, clicking the deep shutter of memory, letting all the light in I can.

Heartsong Snowstorm

Heartsong Snowstorm
(after a form by Lex Runciman)

March snow storm—fast, fat,
furry flakes from the Coast Range
all the way across the Valley
floor to the Cascade
rim of our white ceramic
Willamette bowl.
Windshield wipers
parse glimpses of newborn lambs
suckling first milk:
white on white on white,
snowy air of my heart.

Skies of my heart cover
the woven basket of wetland
reeds, alkali flats,
sagebrush steppes: myths and rivers
of my childhood. Passive blue eye,
you who have seen my father’s curiosity,
followed his red socks into the desert,
trained his eyes to see
your Great Web, you will not blink
when my river, too,
has dried to a sand arroyo under your
pitiless sun,
burnt landscape of my heart.

And I have been followed by people
I do not know
into streets I have had to name myself.
At dawn, when mist rises
from the river and the fishermen
drink coffee, string line under the pilings
of the creosote docks,
the lovers find each other by the jade elephants
in Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe and children
tag their way to school through the back
alleys and dusty lots
of the lost city of my heart.

Be adventurous and kind,
tragic people of my heart,
I am inventing you
while my lungs still breathe
and the snow still falls
cold and white:
air of my heart.

–Sandy Jensen
March 12, 2009